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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976302">A new Dawn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyere_simen_Nienna/pseuds/Nyere_simen_Nienna'>Nyere_simen_Nienna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>League of Legends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Denial of Feelings, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Graphic Violence, Old Lore, Past Relationship(s), Slice of Life, Yearning</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:21:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,771</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976302</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyere_simen_Nienna/pseuds/Nyere_simen_Nienna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After Xayah and Rakan broke up and lost contact to each other, they unexpectedly meet again. Not knowing how much their life will change, they need to face a new - and different - future then they had ever expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rakan/Xayah (League of Legends)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_main_Battledancer/gifts">The_main_Battledancer</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This work is for my favorite support</p><p>I thank you for your wonderful help, all the funny conversations, the great Rounds we played  and the time we spent together planning our Star Guardian story.<br/>I' m glad you left your comment and look forward to many more Rounds and chapters. </p><p>You are great!</p><p>And thanks a lot.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Annoyed she looks around, from the young woman behind the bar, over some men at a table and keeps hanging on the crowd in front of a small stage. She sights softly, avoiding to look at the person's cheering and dancing. Seeing this reminds her of him, of her lost love, knowing that she will never see him again and what she has lost.</p><p><br/>
She turns around, ready to leave the tavern, when a golden flash gets her attention. For a moment she stares at the crowd, trying to get a look at the stage but has to realize that it's impossible. She swallow, pressing her eyes shut before she leaves the place, ready to travel on.</p><p>"Xayah?"</p><p>She turnes around in surprise, her eyes widening. Right in front of her stands Rakan, looking at her with a timid smile. "I... didn't expected to see you again." She grabs one of her feathered ears, stroking it nervously, while she looks at him with a slight smile. "You.. Uhm... You look as good as the last time I saw you." She smiles in Embrassment, a small blush spreading over her cheeks, while she looks to the ground.He laughs merrily, stroking his hair back with a hand, while looking at her attentive. "As cute as last time", he laughs, winking at her.</p><p>"She went this way! Get her!"</p><p>Their scream leaves them both looking in the direction it came from, with a slight smile and nodding in the direction, she looks at him, before a loud noise tears the silence apart.<br/>
"It was a pleasure to see you again, really. But you heared, I have to-"</p><p>She stops in the middle of the sentence, looking down at her, while her dress starts to moisten and a deep, dark red patch spreads over her chest, causing her to roll her eyes and going down. For a second Rakan freezes, looking down on her, before he summons a healing feather and places it on her wound.</p><p>When he hears steps behind them, he turns around in agony, moving dangerous towards them. "3 Men chasing a single woman?! How dare you attack her?!" For a moment he closes his eyes and tries to stay as calm as possible, but it's harder for him than expected. He look down on her, reaching for her pulse and is relieved to find him. "Leave." He looks at them, his voice cold as icy. "Leave! Or you will regret the day when you met her. I will make sure you do."</p><p>Gently he lifts her from the ground, pressing her lifeless body at him and moving towards the village border. As fast as he can he runs to his camp, while he feels her blood on his chest, slowly running down. It doesn't take long until he sees the small flames dancing from afar. With a quick jump he lands on the other side of the branch, which they use as seat, while he places her soft on the ground, taking a healing feather in his hand before laying it on her wound.</p><p>"I need my bag!" Worried Rakan looks to his companion, who takes the bag with him, watching Xayah curiously. "She's not the type of girl I usually see you with. What happend?"</p><p><br/>
"Humans, Ian, what else?!" Nervously looking in his bag, Rakan takes a jar out of it, opens it and dipps two of his fingers into the lotion, before he takes her dress down and rubs it over her wound.</p><p>She moves restlessly in her unconsciousness, twisting her face, pain clearly visible.<br/>
With slightly trembling fingers he wraps some cloths around her upper body, before taking her over to his tent, placing her on a soft pillow and covering with some blankets.</p><p>"You took good care of her, is she someone you know?" For a moment Rakan looks at him blankly, before he nods slowly. "She is... Was someone very special to me. But our paths were forced apart months ago." He smiles sadly, looking over to the tent. "I've never thought I would see her again."</p><p>With gentle force Ian places his Hand on Rakans shoulder, looking at him seriously. "You know mate, you can tell me everything. I can see how you feel about it." For a Moment he nods and he looks at the Flames, before his eyes move to the blood on the ground. "She's my ex girlfriend, we had some... trouble which lead me to break up. She always said humans are cruel creatures and she wont simply let them be. She used to say that humans destroyed everything dear to her and even her childhood but i didnt really believed her. Until i saw how hunters tried to kill some of our kind, to steal their feathers. But it was already to late and i had broken up."</p><p>He sighs softly, looking his friends in the eyes with a sad smile. "I went back to the place we had set up our camp before but as expected she had left long before, i checked the near surroundings but she was gone and I could never talk to her again, explaining the situation and asking for a second chance." For a moment Ian doesnt says anything, just looking into his friends eyes and giving him an encouraging smile. "Maybe you get this chance now? If she says no, nothing will change, but if she listens to you... you might get your wish fullfilled."</p><p>A soft smile creeps across his lips as he looks over to the tent, the look in his eyes just as soft. "First she needs to get healthy. That's all that matters right now." He grabs the kettle, throwing some fresh water into it and placing it right into the fire. "I hope its okay if we eat some soup today, im not sure if she would be able to eat something else with her injury and i dont think you would like to cook twice." With a loud laughter Ian looks at him, nodding with a bright smile, before he grabs some roots, potatoes and carrots, handing some to Rakan and they start to cut them into small pieces, which they throw into the slightly hot water.</p><p>Humming happily, Rakan turns around, grabbing a wooden spoon and moving it through the soup, while his friend look at him with a wide grin. "You are different then the last months", he laughs, slightly shaking his head. "Even your feathers shine more than they usually do." He looks at his friend in surprise. "Thats just what you think. Im the same as ever before."</p><p>A rustling sound from the tent made them both turn around, their eyes falling on Xayah's surprised face, who gives them a questioning look. "What happened? Rakan?" Her eyes widen while she climbs out of the tent, her legs still wobbling. "So it wasnt just a dream." Her voice is soft, just a whisper and they need a moment to realise what she just said. With a wide smile Rakan runs over to her, reaching his hand out to her, but she straightens up on her own, not accepting his support.</p><p>"You were shot", mumbles Rakan, looking at her body up and down, checking for her injury and admiring her beauty at the same time. "By damn humans", Ian completes his sentence , starring in the kettle, while Rakan nods slowly, receiving an irritated look from her.</p><p>"Uhm... Thanks then I guess?" She looks at him, still confused. He smiles at her, looking into her eyes. "How are you? Still feeling pain? Are you hungry, thirsty? Do you need anything?" She looks at him even more confused, taking a step back and shaking her head. "N.. No. Im fine." She looks to the ground. "God damn, I've missed you so much." He whispers softly, reaching his hand out to her while she just stares at his fingers, her eyes widening.</p><p>"Maybe you two should talk. Alone." Smiling Ian moves over to the lake, winking towards Rakan before doing so. For a moment they just look at each other, before Xayah turns her eyes to the ground, trying to sort her thoughts. "Im sorry, Xayah. Im so, so sorry. I came back and wanted to talk to you, to tell you that i was so wrong and how much I love you. But when i reached our old camp you were already gone."</p><p>Slowly he moves towards her, clenching his hand into a fist and holding it in front of his chest. "Can you forgive me, Xayah? Can you give me another chance?" She avoids his eyes, biting her lowerlip, before she slowly looks up to his face, right into his eyes. "When you left me, you broke my heart. You understand Rakan? You broke my heart 6 months ago. And you took my trust in others with you. Im not mad or anything and there is nothing for me to forgive. But no, i cant give you another chance. At least not yet."</p><p>She swallows as tears rise in his eyes and she needs more strength to hold herself together then she would have liked to admit. "Can we still be friends?" She smiles slightly, nodding, while a tear runs down her cheek, which she whips away with her hands. "Of Course, sure!" Without thinking about it, he takes her in a firm embrace, holding her head to his chest, before he looks down into her face, a sad smile on his lips. "If you need anything, no matter what, tell me."</p><p>She nods slowly, her body stiff, before she starts to relax and returns his hug. She laughs softly, wiping new tears away, before she smiles slightly at him. "Im sorry, Rakan. You know, usually im not like this. But its all so new to me. I was in a long term relationship before. I need to get used to this new life first."</p><p>With soft fingers he strokes the back of her head, smiling down on her, the tears still visible in his eyes. "I know what you are talking about. I was in this kind of relationship too." With soft fingers he strokes over her cheek, moving a finger over her clan tattoo. "Will you stay with us?" For a moment she tries to look away, realizing that he avoids it, so she nods slowly. "As long as it is fine with your friend... i would love to stay with you."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You haven't done this, have you?" Ian looks at them laughing, whipping the tears out of his face, while Rakan smirks at him. "I did, no joke. You would never expect what I did all the years, the time with them was... Wait..." He looks at Xayah, raising a brow. "What happened to the rebellion? You were alone when we met and you said you would stay with us. Where are the others?" She starts playing with her fingers, avoiding his eyes, while she bites her lower lip. "The group broke into little pieces.."</p><p><br/>The expression in his face is surprised and he places one of his hands on her shoulder, causing her to shrug in slight fear. "So you lost your cause as well?" He smiles sadly but she just shakes her head, looking to the ground. "Not really... It was more like... I've left them, left my cause behind. I had other things to sort out and no time for the rebellion anymore. It was a hard time for me but I've made it and I'm good now."</p><p> </p><p>He nods slowly, looking at her attentively, trying to get a hint of what happened and why she didn't had the time any more, knowing that the rebellion was everything to her." If you want to talk, I'm here for you. " He smiles encouragingly to her, receiving a timid smile as answer while she slowly shakes her head again. "I need to get used to your presence again, knowing that you are by my side and that w.. that I'm save with you again. It's a weird feeling, you know? I was by my own for so long again and now you are back, trying to act like nothing had ever happened."</p><p><br/>He looks to the ground, nodding slowly." It's not meant as an offense. " She places her hand on his shoulder, smiling at him, it's still timid but he can see clearly that she really meant every word she said.</p><p> </p><p>"So what's the plan for now?" She looks at them, before sitting back, dragging her knees to her chest and placing her chin on them. For a moment both just look at her when Rakan starts grinning. "It feels weird hearing this from you, before it was the other way around." He smirks at her, receiving a curious look as answer, before she nods slowly, smiling softly. "You know, at some point in the life the priorities change", she whispers, closing her eyes, still smiling. "Okay, the plan is easy. We keep going to Vlonqo, I guess it will take around a week until we get there. Not far away is a river, we could set the camp for the night there and looking to get some fish for dinner and water for travel on."</p><p> </p><p>Xayah looks at her fingers, biting her lower lip. " Vlonqo? Why this town? " with a sad smile Rakan looks at her, feeling the same way about it. "We perform there. Making a good show, earning some money." Grinning from one ear to the other, Ian looks at them, winking. "Having some fun."</p><p><br/>She looks up, her eyes move from one men to the next and her face turns red hot. "Maybe it's not that good then when I travel with you guys, I might ruin your chances to meet your desired girls." She stands up, abit to fast, feeling the urge to vomit again, when she moves around and leaves them, disappearing into the woods.</p><p><br/>As fast as possible she runs through the undergrowth and when she's finally sure to be out of their range, she goes down on her knees, holding her hand against a tree and starts to vomit, before she crawls over to a other tree with tears in her eyes, sitting on the ground and leaning against it. "God damn", she mumbles, closing her eyes and surpressing the tears. Her ears twitch and shes relieved to hear water splashing somewhere nearby.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly she raise up, following the sounds of the water, relieved to see the lake shortly after. She goes down on her knees, taking a big sip of water from her hand and cleaning her mouth, repeating the motion several times. The rustling of leaves causes her to flinch, without thinking about it she summons two of her feather daggers. When she sees its just Rakan who comes close to her, the feather daggers disappear and she looks at him with a timid smile.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, is everything okay? You left so fast."</p><p> </p><p>She nods slowly, smiling at him. “I'm fine.” He watches her attentively from top to bottom while moving towards her, before sitting down next to her and placing his hand on her shoulder. “You always said you're fine, even when you weren't at all. So no offense but I'm not sure if I really can believe you in this matter.” He smiles, laying his hand under her chin, causing her with gentle force to look at him.</p><p> </p><p>“"I know that I've ruined everything, that I hurt you. I knew it before you said a word... I'm not dumb Xayah, I know when you aren't enjoying your life. In the way you walk, your posture, even your eyes don't shine as they should. I can see it. Even if you, yourself believe you are fine, I know that you are not." He looks at the ground for a moment, the strength to continue and then turns his eyes to her face." I would climb every mountain and swim every ocean, just to be with you and fix what I've broken... I want to see you live again, not pretending." Then he stops again, looking deep in her eyes, while he lifts his hand to stroke her clan tattoo with his thumb. " I want to see you live your life to the fullest, you know... And by 'live' I'm referring to creating bonds with people. Caring for someone, loving or even hating them! Having fun with that person, creating memories together, like kissing them, hugging them or just holding their hand... That's what it means to live, Xayah, And you really were like that, before I destroyed everything... " he drops his hand from her cheek and looks at the water, finding its image soothing to his mind. "And I want to see you like that again, see you how you were before!"</p><p>For a moment she's.... not saying anything.</p><p><br/>"And no, I don't want you to leave, ever again. I would give anything to go back in time and prevent any of this from happening, but I can't..." then a smile appears on his lips "And don't take Ian seriously, he's a really kind dork at heart."</p><p> </p><p>He takes her in a warm embrace, stroking her wing with his fingertips, causing her to nestle close to him, closing her eyes and humming softly, while they remain silent at the shore of the river, until she realizes what they are doing and she starts to struggle free, wrapping her arms around herself and starring to the ground. “This is wrong... what are we doing. This is so wrong and we know it...” Her voice resembles a soft whisper while she crawls away from him, keep staring at the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe it is but... did it feel wrong to you?” He smiles slightly, looking at the back of her head. “Yes! No! I... I don't know...” She turns her eyes towards him, light tears visible in them. “Rakan, what are we doing here? This is all so wrong... we aren't... you know... we cant just do something like this.” A single tear runs down her cheek while he moves towards her again, whipping the tear away. “Its fine, Xayah. Just try to trust me, okay? As you did before. I promise, I wont let you down again.” He whispers softly into her ear while he places his hand on her shoulder again. “Never again.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She looks at her notes while she bites a huge piece from a chocolate bar, which she holds in her hand. Nervously she tapes with the tip of the feather on the paper, writing a few words down when Rakan sits down next to her, smiling widely and nodding to the book in her hands, which she closed immediately when he sat down next to her. "What are you doing here? You want to revive the rebellion?"</p><p>Slowly she shakes her head, closing her eyes for a short moment. "No.. I just need to take care of something, it's not important. I can't revive my cause, no matter how much I would love to. I don't have the time to do so and I need to focus on my <em>new</em>... cause."</p><p>He looks up in surprise, moving towards her, still smiling, while her eyes remain on the ground. "You've got a new cause?" She nods slowly, biting her lower lip and avoiding his eyes. "Yes, but let's not talk about it, okay? Right now it doesn't matter, it's not important.."</p><p>He lays his hand under her chin, smiling again, while his thumb strokes over her clan tattoo. "Everything you care about is important, you know? And what ever it is, it's important enough to call it your new cause." He slides closer to her, feeling the rising urge to kiss her, to caress her slender body with tender fingers, feeling her shudder under his touch, like all the years before.</p><p>She looks to the ground, biting her lower lip again while goose bumps spread over her skin. "Rakan..." she looks briefly into his eyes, a decent blush running over her cheeks.</p><p>He smiles hopefully, reaching his hand towards her cheek, when Ian moves from the bushes, grinning at them as he holds some fish, which he had catched, into the air. "I've got us dinner!" he smiles wide and comes over to the fire. "Uhm... Yeah... Nice", mumbles Rakan, cursing in his mind about the whole situation, while Xayah starrs to the ground, feeling more uncertain as ever before.</p><p>When the fish hangs over the flames both men talk lively, even when Rakan glance to Xayah from time to time, seeing her uncomfortable feelings, wishing he could help her some how.</p><p>When Ian hands her the plate with the first fish, she slightly shakes her head, biting her lower lip while watching to the ground. "I'm not hungry..."<br/>Her voice is hardly more than a whisper, still focused on the ground. "Hey, you need to eat, you're so thin." Smiling Ian looks at her, still holding the plate towards her, when she finally nods and takes the prepared meal.</p><p>With trembling fingers she takes a small piece of the fish, placing it into her mouth and chewing timidly on it. From the side Rakan looks at her, forehead wrinkled, while he takes a big bite himself. "You don't like it?" He's voice sounds slightly surprised, even though he knows that she doesn't like fish that much but ate it in the past when they didn't had something else.</p><p>She looks up in surprise, a slight smile creeping across her lips as she takes another small bite, before she sets the plate to the side, looking to the ground. "Like I said, I'm not hungry." He moves closer to her, placing his hand on her thigh. She flinch, her eyes widening when she looks at him in light shock, unused to the touch. “You don't need to be afraid...” His voice is a low whisper and he looks at her with loving eyes. She jumps up, turning around and running towards the lake. “I'm back soon!”</p><p>Crossing his arms in front of his chest, Ian looks at his friend, shaking his head slightly. “Her eating habits become worse day by day. You think she's sick?” For a moment Rakan is looking after her, shoulders lowered, before he looks at Ian as well. “I'm not sure. Maybe she isn't feeling well, Ill ask her when she returns.” For a moment Ian sighs, before his look becomes more serious. “If she doesn't like what I prepare she should tell me. You know, its a lot of work and effort to get our meals and its not worth it if she throws everything away.” </p><p>Nodding slightly, Rakan looks back in the direction Xayah left. “I'll talk to her.”<br/>His words are nothing more then a whisper, before he jumps up, moving towards the direction he suspects she went to. After some minutes he reaches the lake, seeing her sitting on the shore and staring at the water, lost in thoughts. </p><p>“<em>Miella</em>?”</p><p>With widened eyes she turns around, her lower lip trembling. “What are you doing here, <em>Mie- Rakan</em>?!” A soft smile creeps across his lips as he approaches her, reaching his hand out for her before he let's it drop again, still smiling. "I thought it would be good to look for you. I would like to know that you are okay, you know?"</p><p>She looks to the ground again, stroking a strand of her hair out of her face while her cheeks turn into a lovely shade of red, complimenting her hair color. "I am", she whispers before she bites her lower lip. He steps towards her, sitting down on the shore right next to her. "I really hope so, you have no idea how glad I am to have you by my side again..." He looks deep into her eyes, searching, while he can notice the redness spreading on her cheeks. His smile widens and he shakes his head softly his eyes never leaving hers.<br/>"How I've missed this..." he says finally breaking eye contact, turning his gaze to the lake, staring with nostalgia clear in his eyes. </p><p>"Hm? Missed what?" she asks, tilting her head a little so she can catch his eyes. "Well", he starts "<strong>this.</strong>" He makes a gesture between them with his hands. "Your smile, your laugh.. You in general, I've missed you." He is now looking at the ground, as if to hide the emotion that his eyes would give away. "Oh..." she whispers, looking at him thoughtfully while a thiny smile flits across her lips. "Yeah... I feel the same way." He nods, raising his head, a slight smile gracing his lips. </p><p>“You're so damn cute, Xayah...” Softly he places his hand on her shoulder, smiling lovingly. For a short moment she just looks at him, shaking her head. “You know, I dont like it when you call me cute.”</p><p>“You know, I never cared about it.” </p><p>They look at each other, not saying anything for a while, before Xayah starts laughing loudly, a single tear running down her cheek. With a bright smile he brushes the tear from her face, causing a shiver to run down her spine. </p><p>“Rakan...”</p><p>For a second she can see how his face comes closer and another shiver runs through her body as she swallows. With a soft smile he lays his hand on her cheek, caressing her soft skin while his thumb moves across her clan tattoo. Her eyes widen and she stares into his eyes, mesmerized by them. </p><p>She holds her breath and closes her eyes as their lips meet and he softly strokes the back of her head.For a moment time seems to stop and a burning sensation spreads through Xayah's body, covering every though. She knows this is wrong, that they shouldn't do this, but it feels so good. It feels right. How can something feels so right even if its wrong?</p><p>When their lips separate he looks apologizing at her, a sad smile on his lips. </p><p>“Xayah, I shouldn't-” </p><p>She just shakes her had, an embarrassed and anxious expression on her face. “Please Rakan, don't.” She swallows again, looking to the ground and biting her lower lip. “Whatever you would say, it would ruin this.” She looks up, right into his face, while a slight smile creeps across her face. “I don't know what it is, I know its wrong. We both know it. But... it felt right...” Her voice is nothing more then a whisper and she turns her Eyes back to the ground, avoiding his searching look.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I want to thank my very good Friend at this point, for your support with all of my Storys and everything else, you know what  im talking about. Im glad to count you to my friends.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun has already set when they return to the camp while Rakan talkes lively to her and she looks down to the ground in embrassment, still thinking about their kiss. "I'm going to bed", she laughs softly, stroking a Strand of her hair out of her face and leaving towards her tent. With a bright grin on his lips Ian approaches him, lightly hitting his elbow into Rakan's side.<br/><br/>"So, what happened? I can see that something happened between the two of you. I've never seen you this excited before!" For a moment Rakan looks at his friend, the smirk on his face grows even wider as he nods. "I've kissed her. I thought she'd kill me but she didn't. She's not sure about us but I think she still likes me!" Laughing softly, Rakan brushes his hand through his hair, looking over to the tent she left into.<br/><br/>"Did you talk to her about her eating habits?" For a moment Rakan looks at him blankly, shaking his head. "I forgot about it", he laughs, earning a roll of Ian's eyes as answer. "I'm not going to keep cooking for her when she refuses to eat..." His voice is slightly more than a whisper as he slowly shakes his head. "I'll talk to her. And this time I wont forget it.” He grins at his friend.<br/><br/>For a moment Ian looks over to the tent Xayah went into, before his eyes return to Rakan. “So”, Ian starts, bending slightly forwards and looking Rakan straight in the eyes. “You said you and Xayah were a thing some months ago and that you broke up cause you had different thoughts on humans. Somehow I don't believe that this was the only reason you had.” For a moment Rakan looks at him in surprise, crossing his arms infront of his chest. “Straight to the chase, huh? No foreplay?” Ian chuckles softly, winking at him. “You know me, I dont like to play around, I prefer action.”<br/><br/>With a small smirk Rakan nods, leaning back and looking in the Fire, while he grabs a skewer with pieces of vegetables. “It's a long story, you know?”<br/><br/>“You dont need to try this, dude. You should know me good enough to know, that this doesnt work for me.” Rakan nods, smiling. “I know”, he laughts quitly, his eyes return to her tent. “But I would like you not to hint towards her that you are aware what happened.” Ian looks blankly at his friend, slightly shaking his head. “I would never do something like this.”<br/><br/>“I know, I just wanted to mention it. I dont want her to feel guilty.”<br/><br/>With a frown Ian looks at his friend, dragging his brows together. “Why should she feel guilty? Didnt you say, you broke up?” For a moment Rakan is silent, before he looks from the fire back to his friend. “I did, but it was cause of what happened before.” He smiles sadly, taking a bite from the skewer. “You know, we were dating for 8 years and I wanted to surprise her. So I asked her out when we were in Vlonquo and we went to a tavern there, had a nice dinner and some wine and I asked her to marry me. Just... her reaction wasnt what I thought.” He smiles sadly, looking up in the night sky. “She looked at me shocked, shook her head and said 'No. No, no, no. No, Rakan, just no. You cant do this to me, you get it? No. No, no, no. NO.' and I just starred at her, feeling my heart shatter into a million pieces. I mean, she could have just said 'not yet' or simply 'no', but the way she reacted wasnt like I asked her to marry me, it was as if she though I would want to infect her with an illness.”<br/><br/>A smile creeps over Ians lips as he looks thoughtfully at his friend, laying his hand on Rakans thigh. “But you still love her, don't you? After everything that happened between the two of you, you still smile when you see her or just think of her.” Noding slowly, Rakan needs to swallow. “Of cause, I do. I love her more then anything. The day this happened I couldn't handle the pain, I wrote her a letter, explaining her my feelings and left. When I realized what happened, that she actually was right about humans, I thought maybe she was write in this too and it would be better to talk to her, before I'll regret what I did. But it was already to late and she had left. When I reached the next place where she had planned to set up the camp she was already gone too. And I thought I would never see her again.”<br/><br/>“But after everything that happened after everything that forced you apart from each other, I can see by the way you look that you just want to take her in your arms, right?” Again Rakan nods slowly, returning his eyes towards her tent, as he takes another bite from the skewer, chewing on cold vegetables. 'I'll try my best to get through her walls again', he thinks, smiling brightly. As they leave several hours later into their tents, Rakan hums cheerfully, laying down with a happy smile on his lips, before he falls into a fight sleep.<br/><br/>When he climbs out of the tent some time later, moving into the woods, he looks sleepily around the campground, yawning. Without thinking much he returns to the tent, climbing inside and cuddling up to Xayah, who purrs happily in her sleep as he takes her in a loving embrace.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter includes alot of cursing and very harsh wording</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>“What the fuck do you think are you doing?!”<br/><br/></strong>The scream echoes through the camping ground, shattering the stillness of the morning into pieces and causing some birds to raise up into the sky. “It wasn't by attention! I promise, I was still nearly asleep when I joined you!” Awkwardly Rakan runs his hand through his hair, shooting her an apologizing smile as she frees herself from her sleeping bag and fleeing out of her tent into the slightly chilly morning air.<br/><br/><strong>“Yeah, sure! And that's why you snuggled up to me!”<br/><br/></strong>With quick steps she stomps away, followed by Rakan, who nearly jumps out of the tent, trying to keep up with her. His eyes cross Ian's tent, glad that his friend doesn't even try to find out what happened.<br/><br/><strong>“I was asleep! it was unintentional, okay?!”<br/><br/></strong>To his surprise he sees that she stops, laying a hand of hers against the tree bark. Slowly he moves a step closer to her, trying to look into her eyes.<br/><br/><strong>“And you think I believe it?! After everything that happened? At the lake...</strong> with everything you said?”<br/><br/>Her voice gets much quieter towards the end and she avoids his eyes as her hand drops from the bark and rests limb at her side. He approaches her slowly, moving closer to her by the second. I didn't say I regret it. But it wasn't intentional. I would never do anything that might hurt you, you understand?”<br/><br/>She nods without saying anything as she steps closer to the lake. “Don't look”, she says softly, as she looks over her shoulder right into his face, a slight blush on her cheeks.<br/><br/>“What?”<br/><br/>She rolls her eyes, gesturing with one of her hands that he should turn around. “I want to take a bath. Turn around and don't look.” For a moment he looks at her, frowning. “Really? We dated for 8 years and you want me to look away? I think at this part I know every-”<br/><br/><strong>“Turn around and don't look!”<br/><br/></strong>“It's okay, it's okay”, he mumbles, raising his hands and turning around as he hears her moving before shortly after he can also hear the movement of the water. “Can I look again?” For a moment nothing but silence is in the air before he hears a soft “yes” coming from her lips.<br/><br/>When he turns to her his look speaks of how surprised he actually is. She stands near the shore, the water reaching up to the middle of her waist. Her front is hidden by her wing and she looks shyly over to him. A soft smile spreads on his face as he moves closer to the shore. “Are you okay?”, he smiles with gleaming eyes. “You don't need to hide your figure. I know you gained some weight and that you became slightly chubby but I-”<br/><br/><strong>“What did you just say?! You think I became fat?!”<br/><br/></strong>She moves a step towards him, her wing returning into his usual position, as she stops in her motion, freezing up like water hitting true ice, before she grabs her feathers again, dragging them in front of her as fast as possible.<br/><br/>His eyes stick at the point where moments ago her belly was visible, hidden again by her feathers before he slowly looks up into her face, seeing a hint of panic in her eyes. <strong> “What was that?!” </strong> His voice is high, nearly shrill, as he approaches her with fast steps, stopping at the edge of the shore and looking right into her face, disbelieve obviously visible.<br/><br/>“Rakan... I ca-”, she starts as he interrupts her.<br/><br/>“All this time I thought I'm the idiot! I though I had ruined everything! But now... now I see the truth!” He laughs, high and shrill, seemingly close to sounding insane.<br/><br/>“I can expla-”<br/><br/><strong>“Did you even love me?! How, Xayah, how could you do this to me?! Pregnant?! After just these few months?! We just parted and you... you... you turned into a god damn slut and getting breed by... by... ARGHHH!”</strong>, he screams, tears running down his cheeks as he looks at her, frustration and despair clearly visible in his face.<br/><br/>“Rakan, please... let me explain!”<br/><br/>He shakes his head as even more tears run down his face. <strong>“What do you want to explain? Did you fall on the dick of a stranger? Or was it someone from the rebellion? That's it, right? That's why the rebellion shattered, isn't it?!</strong> You got the next one right after me and I though you loved me...” He stops, looking at her with horror in his eyes. “Or did it start when we were still dating? <strong>Was this the reason why you reacted like a monster when I asked you to marry me?!</strong>”<br/><br/><strong>“You think I betrayed you?! What is wrong with you, you selfish, arrogant, bragging bastard?!”<br/><br/></strong>She looks at him coldly, her voice sharper then ever before as she lets go of her wing again, placing her hands on the small bump on her belly. <strong> “You really think I betrayed you?! You think I turned into a slut who would do this... this... this kind of stuff with everyone?!”<br/><br/></strong>He snorts loudly, his eyes nearly burning. “Who else is the father?!” His voice resembles a hiss as he looks at her nearly as cold as she does.<br/><br/><strong>“YOU! You are the father, you stupid idiot!”<br/><br/></strong>For a single moment he just looks at her, his eyes widen as his shoulders drop and he slowly goes over to her through the water, the expression in his face softer then before. “I'm... I'm going to be a daddy?!”<br/><br/>She nods slightly, tears running down her cheeks as she turns away from him, laying her arms protectively across her belly. “Miella...”, he whispers, moving closer towards her as he tries to get her attention back. “Why? Why did you hide it? why didn't you tell me about it?”<br/><br/>She snorts looking at him while she shakes her head. “After how you reacted... you really need to ask why I didn't told you?” Sadness is clearly audible in her voice as she looks down again. Slowly he approaches her, hugging her from behind. “I'm sorry... I really am... I should have let you explain... I'm so sorry. But please, give me a chance, I'll show you that I'll protect you, both of you. I'll take care of our small family and I would do everything to make sure you two are safe...”<br/><br/>He turns her towards him, stroking her cheek with his thumb as he makes her look at him, kissing her lovingly.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With a low purr she gives in, returning his kiss tenderly as she presses her body against his, clinging to him before she realize what shes doing. Without a second though she pushes him away, staring at him. “What the hell do you think you are doing?!” She turns away from him, moving as fast as possible towards the shore.<br/><br/>“Miella... please!”<br/><br/>She covers herself with her wing, stepping away from him. “No, not 'Miella please'! Minutes ago you said I'm a whore who would fuck with everyone and now you pretend it had never happen?! Do you think I'm stupid?! Or dumb?!” She snorts loudly, summoning her dress around herself so her wing can return to her back.<br/><br/>“That's not what I said!”<br/><br/>She shakes her head before she turns around and walks towards the camp. For a long moment Rakan looks after her before he lets himself drop in the water, floating on it as he's staring into the morning sky. “What have I done?” It takes him longer then he has though to order everything that's in his mind. 'She's over it', he thinks, grimacing his face as he starts to clean his feathers.<br/><br/>He's still in thoughs as he enters the camp some time later. His eyes move over the campground, finding Ian sitting near the fire but no trace of Xayah. Questioning he looks to his friend, who nods towards her tent, getting another nod from Rakan in respond.<br/><br/>With fast steps Rakan goes over to her tent, softly calling her name, but not getting any kind of answer. A small grin appears on his lips as he starts to repeat her name until he can hear an annoyed “What Rakan?! What is it?!” coming from her tent. Hesitantly he enters her tent, seeing her sitting on her sleeping back, making notes into her small leather bound book.<br/><br/>“Hey Xayah”, he mumbles, sitting down on her sleeping bag too, but keeping a small distance between them. “What is it?”, she asks coldly, still making notes in her book. “May I?” His voice is soft as he looks encouragingly at her, Xayah rolls her eyes before giving the book to him. He's surprised to find a whole list of every food she ate during the last month, noticing that the amount of food she ate became ways less during the last days.<br/><br/>With a small smile he notes for himself to make sure, she will eat enough the next months to make sure she's strong enough for all of this. “You take this really serious, aren't you?” His voice is slightly more then a whisper, his eyes focused on her as she slowly nods, a shy smile on her lips. “It is! I had never though to see you even again, I was sure to be a single mother and have to take care of a baby. So it became my priority to make sure that everything will going well, even if it means my own wishes are put behind.”<br/><br/>He nods slowly, smiling at her as he slides closer to her, hugging her softly. “But you aren't alone anymore. I'll make sure you get everything you need. Both of you. He gives her a soft kiss on the forehead, still hugging her, before he looks at her from the side. “Is this the reason you left your cause behind?”<br/><br/>Slowly she nods, turning her eyes to the ground and biting her lower lip. “You know, the rebellion was everything to me but it's no place to raise a child. And its more important to make sure everything is going to be okay. Its the most important thing in my life”, she whispers quitly, still staring to the ground.<br/><br/>“Your new cause?”<br/><br/>A soft smile creeps across her lips and she lays her arms across her belly, stroking softly above it. For a moment he just looks at her, the smile in his face growing even wider then before. “You know, I'm really sorry for what I said. I shouldn't have said it but... I was stupid. I'm really sorry.” He looks at her, waiting for her to return his glance. It takes a small while until her eyes look into his and he continues smiling.<br/><br/>“I have still the same feelings for you, Miella. I'm aware it's wrong and that they should have stopped by now but it hasn't. What should be lost is still there. I love you Xayah, I really do. And I know the greatest pain might still come, that's not over yet. I can see how you try to hide, how you try to find a way to hide from the world, from me. You spent most of your time in your tent, to afraid to let us become a part of you and I know that's my fault. But I wish I could come back to you, helping you to take this step.”<br/><br/>Softly he brushes his thumb across her clan tattoo, smiling lovingly at her. “Rakan...” She mumbles quitly, a shy smile flits across her lips and she stares to the ground. “I know, I know”, he laughs cheerfully, receiving a confused look from Xayah in respond. “I know you didnt made a decision yet, I know you still need your time. And I'll give you every time you need, dear. Just let me help you, okay? You aren't alone in this. This is my child too and I'll take care of both of you, making sure you have everything you need.”<br/><br/>Gently he kisses her forehead again, stroking her cheek, as he looks lovingly at her. 'I know you feel the same. You returned my kiss, you cuddled me in this moment. You just need your time, so I'll wait till you realized it yourself.' He smiles at the though, hugging her slightly tighter. “Is it okay for you if Ian knows? So he knows why you need to eat more without asking weird questions.” For a moment she doesn't say anything, just looking into his eyes, trying to read into them, before she slowly nods. When Rakan trusts him, she will also trust him.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The crackling of the fire is clearly audible in the quite evening, the last birds singing their songs before their melody disappears. Several months have passed and the small group grew closer together. Xayahs eyes are fixed on the plate, several chunks of meat lying on it as she looks at Rakan, almost pleading. "I'm not hungry...", she mumbles, shoving the plate towards him before he returns it to her, shaking his head with a smile. "You need to eat or your body will become weak", he smiles, his eyes fixed on her as he tries to hide the concerned expression on his face, failing miserable. With a sigh she rolls her eyes, taking a small piece of meat with two fingers before she puts it in her mouth, chewing listlessly on it.</span>
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  <span>She grimaces, feeling the urge to vomit as she swallows the piece of meat, placing the plate to the side and shaking her head timidly. “I can't”, she whispers, holding her hand in front of her mouth. After a short moment she jumps up, nearly running over to her tent. “Good night!”, she says loud, waving good night as she disappears into her tent, laying down on her sleeping bag, one of her hands laying across of her belly. A small movement underneath her fingers let her raise up, her ears twitching in excitement as she feels the small move. 'Was this...?', she thinks, biting her lower lip in joy as a small blush creeps across her cheeks. </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Again the movement and Xayah can't stop herself from squealing in happiness. “Rakan!” Her voice trembles as she calls for him with a high pitched voice, uncertain why she even want him to come and be with her in this important moment. 'He's the father after all', she thinks, biting her lower lip, hiding another happy chirp. “Xayah? Is everything okay?” His voice comes through the thin tent wall, not daring to open the entrance without her permission.</span>
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<p> </p>
<p>“<span>Stop playing around and get in here!”, she laughs with quivering voice, staring at him with eyes wide open as he finally steps through the entrance. “Are you okay?”, he asks softly, concern obvious in his eyes. She nods fastly, grabbing his hand and dragging him down next to her, making sure he sits on the sleeping bag as she lays his hand on her belly. </span></p>
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<p>
  <span>Rakan looks at her questioning and his eyes widen as he feels the movement himself, staring at her in awe. “I felt it a lot of times... but it wasn't so strong yet”, she laughs happily, looking at him with a shy smile, biting the inside of her cheek before she turns her eyes away from him again. “I can't believe it”, he whispers, sliding closer to her and softly caressing her cheek with his hand, smiling lovingly down on her. She looks up in surprise, unused to his touch. “This is amazing”, he whispers, smiling softly at her as he keeps looking into her face, searching for her eyes. </span>
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<p>
  <span>She nods, slightly brushing her fingers over her belly before she looks back at him, noticing the expression in his face and returning her gaze to the other side. She can feel the heat rising in her chest and she bites her lower lip nervously, closing her eyes. </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I can't believe it... we are going to be parents... I'm going to be a daddy”, he whispers, eyes shining brightly as a dreamy expression slips across his lips, her face returning to him, head tilted slightly to the side. “You are... happy about it?”, she whispers, uncertainty clearly audible as she slowly sits up, supporting her wight with her hand, looking at him questioningly. </span></p>
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<p>
  <span>His expression changes, turns questioning as he looks at her in surprise, forehead furrowed. “Of cause, I do! I couldn't be happier! Getting a child is... one of the biggest gifts ever possible for a vastaya! And getting a child with you...”, he stops, brushing the back of his neck in embarrassment, looking at her with a sheepish smile. “I still love you, Miella. I know I told you so many times but it doesn't change and I just cant stop telling you! I will never leave your side, even if you don't want us to be more then what we are now. I'll stay with you, protect you. You and our child.” </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He smiles softly at her, taking her hand in his and stroking the back lovingly with his thumb. A soft chuckle escapes him as he sees her confused expression, starring at their hands. </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>“<span>We should make sure to find a place where we can stay for a while. Until the child is born and you both are strong enough to travel again. I don't want you to stay in this area. It's magic starved. We need a place rich in magic, making sure everything is going to be alright”, he explains, receiving a raised brow from her in response. “You... though about all this stuff?”, she whispers, shaking her head slightly, caught off guard about this change of plans.</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He nods, smiling encouraging at her, still stroking her hand. “Of cause I did. It's important. I talked with Ian about it and we checked the surroundings and maps. Ian noticed a village around a days travel far from here, they have a warm and cozy tavern where we could rent rooms”, he explains again, his smile never leaving his lips. For a moment she opens her mouth, wanting to say something but not being able to do it, causing Xayah to shake her head. </span>
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<p> </p>
<p>“<span>You can't!”</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Rakan sighs, turning his eyes away from her. “I knew you wouldn't like it. I told him, that you know the surroundings very well and that you wouldn't agree to stay in a village where humans and vastaya live together.” For a moment Xayah looks at him blankly before she hits her fits playfully against his side. “That's not what I was talking about!”, she laughs, blushing again as she turns her face to the side, playing with a strand of her hair, the tent wall becoming more interesting by the second. “What did you mean then?”, he asks, surprised.</span>
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<p> </p>
<p>“<span>I can't effort to rent a room!”, she huffs, crossing her arms in front of her chest. As Rakan opens his mouth to say something she stops him right away, raising her hand and keeping him shut. “And I don't want you to pay for me. We aren't dating or something”, she says, looking to the side again. She returns her eyes to him in surprise as he starts laughing, sliding closer to her, laying an arm over her shoulder. “I don't care if you want it or not, maybe I'm not your mate or anything but”, he stops, laying his free hand on top of her belly. “We are in this together and this is my child as it is yours. So don't try to deny me taking care of my loved ones and my family. You might see it differently but you belong to my family. You are the mother of my child and I would do everything for you.” </span></p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His fingers move softly over her arm, drawing cycles on her skin as he watches her attentively. “I will rent a room for you. I need to know that you are safe and warm. Winter is coming soon.” </span>
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